Smirnoff Black is a hand-crafted vodka made using the time-honoured Russian tradition of small-batch, copper-pot distillation. Which means, by Arena’s calculations, the quantity of distinctively smooth premium vodka you can put away in just one year will take one bare-footed peasant woman about 25 years to make. But if it was good enough for the old Tsars, it’s good enough for us.

Since the story of the £3.7bn-losing French rogue trader broke, Arena has exclusively laid its hands on a transcript from Jerome Kerviel’s interview with the Societe General HR department.

The name of the next 007 film has been announced. And it’s rubbish: Quantum Of Solace. It doesn’t get any better the more you say it.

Great. Another famous dead person for everyone to pretend they cared about.

Arena has now watched Adam Buxton’s ‘You Say, We Pay’ and Bin Laden video offerings on YouTube somewhere in the region of one million times. We’ve laughed so hard, it’s replaced all our previous methods of exercise. We have laughing six-packs and laughing V-packs. We presume you too are familiar with them (and if you’re not, leave this site and check them out immediately). But we thought you might not have spotted this newer offering, featuring Morgan Freeman as a disappointed Radiohead fan taking delivery of his £40 In Rainbows box set…

Dinosaurs mean two things to Arena. One, Jurassic Park. Two, ’90s Nintendo game Turok. All credit to Spielberg/Crichton, we can live without seeing the ‘dismembered arm’ scene again – and JP2, let’s face it, was shit. Turok, on the other hand, is a dino-revival we’d chew off our own arms to see. And as it happens we have managed to get a preview of the new version.

Earlier this week I was walking along, happily lost in thought, when someone shouted at me from the window of a passing van, “Cheer up, it might never happen!” As this isn’t the first time it’s happened, it seems this is an occupational hazard of owning a face like mine. A face which in repose settles into an expression which apparently broadcasts the message, “I’m going home to drink bleach.” In one sense, then, I suppose I should be grateful to my have-a-go Samaritan, but on the other I would quite like to tell him to fuck right off.