You know what, I was going to try to explain this in a sane and structured manner, but it just came out nuts and anyway there isn’t time because I’m supposed to make a magazine. So here is how I’ve become borderline psychotic in the last week and why it’s all Aaron Sorkin’s fault.

Like a lot of football fans, I ended up watching Saturday night’s Match Of The Day through my fingers, on account of Martin Taylor’s horrific tackle on Eduardo. Fortunately, it looks like the Arsenal number 9 is going to make a full recovery, but his injury got us thinking about some of the other painful moments in football history that we just couldn’t bring ourselves to watch. Here are five of the best or, rather, worst…

Imagine that you’re successful comedian and talk show host Jimmy Kimmel. Imagine that you have a beautiful girlfriend, Sarah Silverman, who is also a comedian. Now imagine that on your own TV show, she reveals that she’s cheating on you… with Matt Damon. Ouch.

If you don’t want the plot of Cloverfield to be ruined, don’t read this blog. If you’re one of those who thinks the film is already a ruin, our man would like to take issue with you.

It’s been a long two years, but the HD DVD v Blu-ray war has finally screeched to a halt. Although Panasonic are lax to openly admit defeat, there’s little doubt that HD has now joined the Betamax tape and the VHS in the great warehouse in the sky.

I’ve just moved flat. And whoever said that moving home is the second most stressful experience in life had it absolutely right. I’m still getting ’Nam-style flashbacks from an epic tour of duty traipsing around London looking at flats. I have dreams about suffocating in bubble wrap.