I found out last night that my ex-girlfriend snogged some bloke at the weekend and I’m pissed off about it – even though I was the one who broke up with her and I did it four months ago.

Texts and emails have become pivotal in modern flirting. These days, if a girl who I’m chatting up sends me a text or email that doesn’t make me laugh, I feel pretty apathetic about them.

It was with a heavy heart that I bade farewell to Anna Nicole Smith (below) last week. It’s always sad whenever anyone dies young, but when it’s one of your all-time favourite ‘big girls’… well, that’s just wrong.

I just read an article – penned by ‘sexperts’ – highlighting the biggest errors made by men during sex. Obviously I approached it with the usual attitude of, “Not me pet, I’m a sophisticated and impressive lover,” but one entry smacked me in my cocky face.

When we’re not busy on our mobiles speaking to ‘important contacts’ (“Honey, I’m going to be late”) or ‘vital leads’ (“Mum, I lost all my money playing online poker again”), at Arena there’s nothing we like more than using our multi-megabyted handsets to play shit but vaguely suggestive video games.

Dreams are traitors that betray you while you sleep. They cause feelings that are achingly awkward beyond that pillowy realm.

I remember once dreaming about a perfect – but imaginary – girl who I fell in love with. For the next few days I suffered from a crush, which was ridiculous as she didn’t exist.

Slow-burning TV smash Battlestar Galactica (9pm Tuesdays, Sky One), called “one of the most original and provocative programmes on television” by The New York Times and “TV’s best response to the war on terror” by The Guardian, yields many controversies.