There was a time in the dim and distant past where real men didn’t wear pink shirts. Now, they’re so ubiquitous we’re avoiding them in order to stand out a little. Real men, of course, don’t refer to anything as the ‘new’ anything. So we’ll just point to the sudden acceptability of floral prints, and leave you to draw your own conclusions. Many thanks to George Barnett, drummer of our band-of-the-moment These New Puritans, for showing how it’s done.

Coats, knitwear and party trends for men dictated by Arena’s most difficult-to-please fashion critic.

I have a problem with men in bootcut jeans. Bootcut jeans were originally designed to flatter the classic English pear-shaped figure. Men should not need to balance out rounded, child-bearing hips with a slight flare on the lower leg. And if, by some evil trick of biology, you do find yourself with an overly curvaceous middle section, you should be spending less time in the sort of denim that only accentuates this problem and more time in a tracksuit trying to rectify it.

I bought one last weekend from Topman, fancying myself rather cutting edge. It’s plain black, simple, stylish, and slimming – inoffensive and totally undeserving of any attention.

To all football-crazed fiends who missed out on owning a pair of the limited-edition Argentina original trainers, rejoice! PUMA is set to launch a second instalment… the legend lives on.

Far be it from me to trivialise a topic as important and down right terrifying as the world’s gradual descent into uninhabitable, scorched rock. But with the effects of global warming being felt around the world and the nation’s doom-mongering hacks filling out front pages with predictions of a fiery wasteland like they were bloody Nostradamus, it’s hardly surprising that one tends to err on the side of pretending the whole thing isn’t happening.

The third – and final – photographic effort of our Monkey Shoulder whisky design challenge comes from Swedish snapper Bjorn Tagemose. His Sin City-style homage to Edward Hopper’s Nighthawks is bafflingly addictive to look at, because there doesn’t seem that much to it.