First among sequels

Every once in a while I manage to come up with a half decent idea that I actually believe won’t induce my nearest and dearest to look at me with genuine sympathy before collapsing into a fit of laughter (as happens regularly). But once I’ve hit upon that gem of an idea, by God I stick with it! Luckily in my case that tends to mean: get to the end of this article, or finish writing that chapter.

Ah, if only it were so with the film industry. Yet again, we are faced with the prospect of another clearly unnecessary but obscenely lucrative sequel. Or, in this case, a sequel to a sequel (because a winning combination is surely a winning combination forever, right)? The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor is the latest offering from the makers of the Mummy franchise.

Having exhausted ancient Egyptian history, writers Alfred Gough and Miles Millar transport us to the Far East and guess what? There’s mummies there too!

Brendan Fraser, whose greatest work to date is clearly George Of The Jungle, is back but strangely Oscar-winner Rachel Weisz declined the offer to reprise her role alongside him.

The film is guaranteed to bear all the hallmarks of its two predecessors: half-rotten corpses hell bent on world domination, completely implausible fight scenes and the cheesiest one-liners since… well, the last Mummy film.

Is it going to be a load of rubbish? Clearly. Am I looking forward to it? Hell, yes! Every summer has to have an unspeakably overblown action film complete with ludicrous plot twists, anatomically impossible stunts and the occasional hot girl. Last summer we had Die Hard 614.2 and this summer - forget Indiana Jones - my money’s on The Mummy.

Yes we all know as time goes on the story lines become flimsier, the actors look more and more decrepit and the PR companies have to work a lot harder for their money, but come on, everybody loves a sequel right?

Think how good The Shawshank Redemption 2 would have been: Morgan Freeman and Tim Robbins set up a successful tunnelling business in small town America whilst the ‘sisters’ buy and run their own S&M bar in New York’s meat packing district.

And how can anyone say they wouldn’t have loved Pulp Fiction 2? Uma Thurman is transformed into a Hollywood darling virtually overnight when she creates a trendy rehab programme, which involves replacing all drugs with five-dollar shakes. Meanwhile Samuel L Jackson becomes a bent minister, smuggling heroin in the holy water and Bruce Willis retires to coaching little league boxing. Good eh? Oh come on, everyone loved Godfather Part III… didn’t they?

Kristina Heaney