Sorkin stole my sanity

You know what, I was going to try to explain this in a sane and structured manner, but it just came out nuts and anyway there isn’t time because I’m supposed to make a magazine. So here is how I’ve become borderline psychotic in the last week and why it’s all Aaron Sorkin’s fault.

Basically, I’ve been watching The West Wing from the beginning on DVD, and I’m really into it. The stirring music, the witty-yet-conscientious characters, the schmaltzy “Thank you, Mr President” endings, I can’t get enough. I’ve been watching two, three episodes a day, more on weekends.

Last night it was the Season Two finale, the one where Bartlet is deciding whether to run for a second term). And it enraged me. For one thing, the whole last five minutes, they play Brothers In Arms by Dire Straits, which is kind of a shit record and certainly not right for that moment. For another, there’s all this stupid stuff, like the secretary that no one’s ever said three words to before dies, there’s a massive rare tropical storm, and the president smokes in church. Well, fair enough, you might think. It’s a TV programme. If they want to use weak-assed imagery, they can.

But I was fuming. “HE WOULDN’T DO THE PRESS CONFERENCE IN A WET SHIRT! HE’S BEEN OUT IN THE RAIN! HIS HAIR IS A MESS! AND ANYWAY HE’S TOO SHORT TO BE A PRESIDENT!”

Fearing the remote was on its way out of the window, my boyfriend swiftly switched to TV. Primary Colors was on, which for obvious reasons I’d been wanting to see again anyway. At this point it was midnight, and I had to watch the rest.

It was the bit where John Travolta is sitting at the Krispy Kreme donut shop. And I was thinking, isn’t that the same donut bar that they arrest the dude who shot Charlie at in the beginning of the series? Should I be reading into the fact that it says ‘KK’, which is nearly the same as ‘KKK’? Did they do that on purpose?

Then when Mickey out of Hustle went into the donut shop to talk to John Travolta, I spent hardly any time thinking about the donuts (and normally . I was trying to work out whether Travolta’s conversation with the donut dude represented genuine concern for the disadvantaged of America, or if it was a cynical piece of politicking. Is Clinton sincere or not? I’ve never been able to decide. And then I got annoyed by how stupid his fake grey eyebrows looked in hi-def.

Then today I watched some of last night’s TV debate between Clinton and Obama, and I started to feel really sorry for Clinton. I mean, the woman has given up everything for this! She’s done everything right, she’s fought a million campaigns, she’s fixed her hair, she’s stuck with a man that everyone knows is a serial cheat, OK, she opened up a can of whoopass on him in that hotel room after Mickey said there was a tape of him talking to the hairdresser, but she held his hand in public. And now she’s about to lose, and she knows it.

I suppose, though, it’s good that Santos is going to beat her; who doesn’t want a non-white president? But Emma Thompson knows so much more about the issues! At least, I think she does; I went on both their websites and his was just a load of guff about stuff like ‘faith’ and ‘family’ while hers was specifics like ‘ending the war in Iraq’. I started trying to donate but I think you have to be an American. I don’t really understand the rules. It was never on The West Wing.

Oh hang on, that’s right, I’m not watching The West Wing any more. This matters. But in my head, the Democratic Party is just entertainment. I barely even care who will actually end up being the leader of the free world; I’m just along for the ride.

I mean, not that it matters what I think about it anyway, seeing as I have precisely nothing to do with it. But still, something about what’s going on in my sleep-deprived brain is not right.

It would be the week when they reveal that Prozac doesn’t work, wouldn’t it. Fuckin’ typical.