I’m going down to alphabet treat
I just read an article – penned by ‘sexperts’ – highlighting the biggest errors made by men during sex. Obviously I approached it with the usual attitude of, “Not me pet, I’m a sophisticated and impressive lover,” but one entry smacked me in my cocky face.
Apparently, spelling out the alphabet when going down on a woman is actually a well-known trick even among the female population.
Sarah Hedley, editor of dirty girls’ magazine Scarlet, said, “As soon as I feel a guy doing the ‘C’ I know he’s just doing the old alphabet move. It gives the impression your mind is elsewhere and that’s distracting.”
I don’t think I can overemphasise how bad this news is.
I just hope that, whoever the blabbing turncoat is, they feel suitably guilty. I can only assume that they turned traitor in a pathetic attempt to bond with their girlfriend over “how crap other men are”.
He’ll be sorry, though, when he’s fallen back on the less-effective ‘counting’ technique and is up to 1,354 with no end in site. With the good old alphabet you only ever had to do ‘W’ a few times before the quivery legs started and you could head back up top.
We are listening to Elbow
its like reading don juan all over again.
Comment by benc — 13/02/07
Erm…I have to say I had never heard of this…erm…”technique” in my life. However, my redeeming feature is that a friend (sigh - no, not me) once sneezed whilst performing said act. Not sure why he was bullied out of school, really.
Comment by Bharat — 13/02/07
a mate of mine has sworn by the technique of “blowing a raspberry” when down there, since we were teenagers. never tried it myself because i’m not a cunt but feel free to go ahead.
Comment by tom.hills — 14/02/07
Well if all women are now privy to this classic textbook technique then they’ll be fully aware the moment that I start spelling out full sentences with my tongue, mid-’lingus. It could become a whole new method of communication (albeit a slightly weird, one-sided one). Yeah that’ll teach them, how about, ”F-a-n-c-y a M-c-D-o-n-a-l-d-s a-f-t-e-r t-h-i-s I-m f-u-c-k-i-n-g s-t-a-r-v–”, oh you’re done.
Comment by Dr. Seamus — 14/02/07
what a load of bollocks{sorry wrong sex act} any GRAND-MASTER knows you should be imitating a bull frog catching flies. leave the A B C for the NOVICERS
Comment by pablo60 — 23/02/07
I tried spelling out the the whole article above using this technique.
It didn’t work.
I think she had already read it.
Comment by seth — 18/04/07