Big sisters

Arena managed to stand the screaming and booing for long enough last night to ascertain that there is at least one babe in the new Big Brother house. But who’s the best ever?

Stephanie McMichael – the fake girlfriend
Plus: Pop-star hot. McMichael was almost in Girls Aloud, except at the last minute Popstars: The Rivals realised she was only 13, so we got the ginger one instead.
Minus: In another snoresome ruse, the TV producers have asked her to cuddle up to human steak Mario.

Emily Parr – the ‘racist’
Plus: Posh; possibly loaded?
Minus: Tendency to call her friends ‘nigga’.

Charley Uchea – the body
Plus: Good for football tickets – she’s related to Kieran Richardson.
Minus: Already in love – with herself.

Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace – keepin’ it real
Plus: Sweet (by the hypoglycaemic standards of Big Brother, anyway) personality.
Minus: Ali G conversational style.

Grace Adams-Short – the bitch
Plus: Readiness to take her top off for cash.
Minus: No soul.

Kate Lawler – the ladette
Plus: Having been the first female winner, has had some TV success since (kerching!)
Minus: Could drink you under the table.

CRAIG HARES