Comments on: Why won’t chivalry just die?

By: Jody T

Jody T — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 16:15:17 +0000

Chivalry is basically the epitome of good ‘gentlemanly’ manners but its a sadly outdated concept and articles like the one above are not helping - and yes it does create a gender power distinction but chivalry was ‘invented’ in an age when lady’s were lady’s and men were…well men. Just turn onto BBC1 anytime on a Sunday evening its all there to see.

I thinks its ‘gentlemanly’ to open doors for anyone - male, female, young, old, ugly and otherwise - what sends my gauges into the red more than anything are the people who just sail through and say nothing as if I was some kind of paid concierge. On more than one occasion I have got into a verbal spat with someone over this kind of behavior.

Bad manners are an epidemic - chivalry is another level entirely is this day and age I fear!

By: DRS

DRS — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 01:41:42 +0000

That’s a dude!

Gross….

DRS

By: HollieM

HollieM — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 14:26:02 +0000

Emma! Don’t encourage them not to open doors for us. I think it’s nice…

By: Dr Whom

Dr Whom — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 14:11:49 +0000

An interesting debate and I have to say I have struggled with this issue on several occasions.

As someone who aspires to consider themselves gentlemanly I would like to hold the door open for women (and indeed other men) but I have also had discussions on this subject with women who have echoed your arguments that it makes them feel patronised.

My new rule is therefore that if a woman looks like a pretty young thing I will hold the door open for her. If she looks like a beefy growler type then I slink away. If it would be possible for women to wear some kind of badge that alerted me as to which camp they fell into then I would be much obliged.

Sincerely,

Dr Whom

By: nabz_ynwa

nabz_ynwa — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 01:44:31 +0000

Just out of curiousity…that picture isnt of you, is it Emma?

By: Arena

Arena — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 13:30:03 +0000

Well, you’re quite right. If you held the door for me out of politeness, and you’d do the same for a man, I would be very pleased. But somehow you can tell when a man is making a big deal of it, he’ll do it sort of theatrically; that always makes me feel like a bit of a prawn. And it’s hard not to read a conversation about it as a bit condescending. Emma

By: Richard

Richard — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 09:20:48 +0000

I’d be interested in how you’d judge me. If I approach a door with a window and notice that someone (male or female) is approaching the door from the other side - its not a “I’m more powerful and I’m looking after you” approach, neither am I trying to show off how well I’m brought up - I’m going to open the door anyway, as I want to walk through it, so I may as well open it and wait a few moments for the other person to walk through it before I do. That said, you will also never find me in a pub bragging about how chivalrous I am just because I’ve held a door open for a colleague!

By: NorthernDebater

NorthernDebater — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 03:00:23 +0000

But, what about the flip side? If a guy doesn’t open the door for the women he’s with its considered rude. If he doesn’t pay for dinner, it can ruin a whole date or just make things awkward. Society tells us we need to do these things, and then most (not all) women expect these things. If you violate them, society indicates that you aren’t a good guy. So how can a guy take any sort of good approach to this? It seems like a lose/lose situation.

By: ChanceIG

ChanceIG — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 12:47:44 +0000

You make very valid points, now stop moaning and stick the dinner on sweetheart!