Ashes to ashes
It’s taken me till today to calm down enough to be able to write this. Since pathetic England’s (just typing those words has increased the temperature level of my blood to ‘bubbling’) sorry demise on Tuesday morning in the second Ashes test in Adelaide I’ve been a ball of uncontrollable anger and I know I’m not alone.
Like anyone who has a passing interest in cricket (a group that has increased considerably since England’s Ashes triumph in 2005), how and why the current Test side appeared to just shrug their shoulders and give up on the final day has become both a burning topic for discussion and something I just want to hide from, so I can pretend it didn’t happen.
While I refused to read any of the sports pages (is there really anything you can gain from picking apart such a rotten carcass?), and I haven’t responded to the endless ranting emails from friends livid at having foregone sleep to stay up and watch the nightmare unfold, it’s become almost impossible not to get into an argument over it.
Take, for instance, Tuesday morning when Arena’s editor (sorry Will) rounded on me with a face contorted in fury and launched into a tirade after I said that I preferred Geraint Jones to Chris Read. And there’s the truth of the matter: it really can be quite hard to comprehend how head coaches can take home a considerable wedge of cash for making utterly moronic decisions.
OK, there may be some things going on behind the scenes that we don’t know about, but England’s choice not to play our consistently best bowler of the last year (yes, that’s you Monty Panesar) is beyond me and that’s before we even get onto just why Chris Read was discarded in place of an out-of-form Jones (Will, you were right…).
My frustrations are not just reserved for cricket, however. Steve McClaren, you also have a lot to answer for (as you can tell I’m building up a head of steam now…). The whole country scratched its head when the ginger England football manager revealed his team formation to take on Croatia back in October and what was the result – a far-from-surprising stuttering performance and defeat. If we could all see it, why couldn’t he?
My face has now gone an odd crimson colour. I can’t even bring myself to start on the Andy Robinson rugby farrago so I’m just going to sit here and mull over the logistics of inserting a shit in a shoebox and whether the FA/ECB/RFU’s postal system will intercept my little presents before they arrive at their intended recipients.
We are listening to Elbow
I find if you dress your ‘present’ up in Christmas wrapping it throws sniffer dogs off the scent. Curious, but true. It seems they are also hoodwinked by anything ‘Christmassy’ and do sod all work at this time of year just like the rest of us.
Also, as an added bonus it spoils the recipient’s Christmas in a way you could never begin to imagine.
Please do make sure you have a vindaloo as preparation for Mr McLaren’s package.
Happy defecating pal.
Comment by Garry Campbell — 7/12/06
funny, my mate at work was only telling me yesterday how he got up to go to the toilet in the night when he stood in dog shit and it squished between his bare toes. you’ve not got anything against him too have you?
Comment by tom.hills — 7/12/06
Ah well, at least West Ham are doing well, eh Galps?
Have to say I think Duncan Donut (as one of the Aussie papers labelled him) is coming in for the standard press over-reaction, and doesn’t warrant the level of criticism he’s currently getting. I’m with you on Monty. Regardless of whether the King of Spain is bowling better in the nets, as has been claimed, Monty was the man in charge of that shirt, and should have been given first use of it in Oz. The Jones / Read debate - you could make a case for either. Jones’s keeping has been pretty good, and did you see any of Read’s batting in the Champions Trophy?
Let’s face it, with so many of our players injured, coming back from injury or just plain out of form, we never had a hope in this Ashes series, and no amount of genius management would have changed that. But let’s not forget that he did give us a glorious summer in 2005 when able to pick from a full, fit squad of players.
Comment by Phil — 8/12/06