League of ordinary gentlemen

Euro 2008 is drawing to a close, and the speculation has begun as to where the stars of the tournament, like Russia’s Andrei Arshavin and Spain’s David Villa, will be playing next season.

But before the Fergies, Arsenes and Big Phils of this world reach for their chequebooks, they might pause to consider the decidedly rubbish fates of some of the players who broke into the big league after a starring role at previous tournaments…

Salvatore Schillaci (World Cup 1990)
Nicknamed after the permed AOR rockers of the 1980s, ‘Toto’ Schillaci won the Golden Boot at Italia 90 with six goals, including the one that knocked out Ireland in the quarter-finals, but injury problems and loss of form saw him score only 22 more times in Serie A for Juventus and Inter. The 1990s saw his career peter out with a move to Japan’s footballing graveyard, the J-League, and an unlikely appearance in an Irish beer commercial…

John Jensen (Euro 92)
After scoring a screamer in the final of Euro 92, the Danish midfielder headed for N4 to join Arsenal. While the following three seasons saw the club win the FA Cup, League Cup and Cup-Winners’ Cup, Jensen became infamous for his chronic inability to score. He struck just once in 138 games, on a wet night at QPR, generating a healthy trade in “I was there when John Jensen scored!” T-shirts. He returned to his homeland in 1996 and is now assistant manager to Michael Laudrup at Getafe.

Karel Poborsky (Euro 96)
The Czech winger scored one of the best goals at Euro 96 when he lobbed the Portugal keeper Vitor Baia. He was hurriedly snapped up by Manchester United, but had the misfortune to arrive at Old Trafford at the exact same moment that some kid called David Beckham was breaking into the first team. Poborsky lasted a season and a half in England before running off to Benfica with his ponytail between his legs. He later ensured himself first-team football by buying a controlling stake and making himself player/chairman of a first division club in his homeland.

Davor Suker (World Cup 1998)
Having helped Croatia to third place at France 98, Suker found his way to England with Arsenal, but he scored just 8 goals in 22 games and finished on the losing side in the 2000 UEFA Cup Final after cracking the post with his spot-kick in the penalty shoot-out, and he was promptly flogged to West Ham. After another god-awful season in the Premier League in which he netted just twice, he left to see out his career with a disappointing spell at German side 1860 Munich.

El Hadji Diouf (World Cup 2002)
Signed for an eight-digit sum by Liverpool days before he starred in Senegal’s victory over France, Diouf never made the desired impact at Anfield. Having scored just three times and been fined five grand for gobbing at a Celtic fan, Diouf was exiled to the drab surroundings of Bolton. Since then, his goalscoring record has made Emile Heskey look a world-beater, although he has maintained his reputation as a champion flobber with a ban for spitting at Portsmouth’s Arjan De Zeeuw. He has stated he wants to leave Bolton, but for some reason, no club seems to want him.

Johan Vonlanthen (Euro 2004)
Four years ago, the Swiss midfielder made history as the youngest player ever to score in the European Championship, breaking the record set by Wayne Rooney just four days earlier. But since then, he’s been trundling round a succession of middling clubs like Brescia, NAC Breda and Red Bull Salzburg after failing to make the cut at PSV Eindhoven.

Michael Brown