Learning from boring people

Can us Diego Sanchezes of this world learn anything from Josh Koscheck?

For those non-converts who don’t know him, Koscheck (above) is currently the most hated man in martial arts. You ask why. Firstly, he is extremely boring to watch fight. As a technical wrestler, he just lies on top of the other guy until the bell rings.

Secondly he comes across as a one-dimensional oaf. In fact, he is so banal – and, perhaps more importantly, expresses such disdain for anything remotely out of the ordinary – that he’s practically a bit of a character.

Last weekend at UFC 69 in Houston, Koscheck fought against Diego Sanchez. ‘The Nightmare’, as he is known, is the complete opposite to Koscheck (who doesn’t have a nickname). Sanchez practises in thunderstorms “to absorb their power” and marches into the octagon fighting area accompanied by a full Mexican mariachi band rather than an old Biggie Smalls or AC/DC record as favoured by his contemporaries. He’s from the ‘explosive’ school of fighting, whose exponents come across like the Spartans out of 300 sponsored by a dubious energy drink. His own trainer says, “Diego is intense and not a little crazy.”

At the ‘face-off’ during the pre-fight weigh-in, Koscheck, who had already threatened to “kick Diego’s ass just for being so weird”, wore sunglasses and his iPod headphones, which he failed to remove despite repeated protests from Sanchez. In the chivalrous world of full-contact fighting this is unforgivably obnoxious. So Sanchez shoved him hard. If Koscheck hadn’t been caught by ring announcer Bruce ‘the veteran voice of the octagon’ Buffer, he’d have fallen off the rostrum. Everybody laughed.

At the fight the following night, Koscheck won easily. Sanchez was too reluctant to get close to him in case he did his trademark ‘sit on top of you then wait till the bell rings’ move. Moreover, Sanchez was seemingly so consumed by hatred that he just stalled.

“If you know yourself but not your enemy” and all that. Come back hard, Diego.

While we’re here a big, manly, MMA, encouraging slap on the back to Diego’s other, far more popular, rival Nick Diaz. After he won at hardcore Japanese beat-’em-up Pride a fortnight ago, his result was changed to a ‘non-decision’ seeing as he tested positive for marijuana – as in, Diaz scored top marks of 175 when a positive result is 15. He’s been banned for six months which is terribly OTT. Come back hard too, Nick.

More mixed-martial-arts gossip in a fortnight, Arena fight fans, after UFC 70 in Manchester, when I am having pre-event champers and canapés with Randy Couture. Currently working on a big home-made sign saying ‘Ground and Pound’.