Blood, sweat and linen suits

Far be it from me to trivialise a topic as important and down right terrifying as the world’s gradual descent into uninhabitable, scorched rock. But with the effects of global warming being felt around the world and the nation’s doom-mongering hacks filling out front pages with predictions of a fiery wasteland like they were bloody Nostradamus, it’s hardly surprising that one tends to err on the side of pretending the whole thing isn’t happening.

Even so, there are some aspects that simply can’t be ignored. For example, how will the modern Arena man have to adapt his wardrobe to the changing climate? With scientists predicting Britain’s climate to be something more akin to that of Portugal by halfway through the next century. Have we reached the end of the time-honoured tradition of getting a smart new jacket for the winter? You know the feeling, bundling up in a fine new cashmere overcoat, accompanied by delightfully soft Burberry gloves. Perhaps even clutching a cup of warm spiced apple cider as you stroll through the park leaves crunching underfoot.

And what about the summers? Just as winter has many sartorial dilemmas to navigate, so does the time of beer gardens and three-hour lunches. While our female counterparts have any number of tulip dresses and city shorts to adorn themselves with, we are left with basically just two options: a shirt or a T-shirt. Many a man has fallen foul of the temptation to wear a vest, but unless you have some finely sculpted guns, let’s face it, you’re going to look like a bit of a knob. The same goes for shorts – obviously they’re fine for the beach, but during working hours they simply won’t do.

So what other options are there for work attire that won’t leave you looking like a cross between Michael Douglas in Falling Down and an Australian gap-year student? Who’s for linen suits making a welcome return? Possibly accompanied by a Louis Vuitton parasol for those of a more daring persuasion. Imagine how fucking good you’d look rolling up to the massive floating refugee camps after the deluge in that? People would think your some kind of god and worship at your wicker shoe-clad feet.