Dare to be different?

I was interviewing the designer Marc Jacobs the other day, and he said, “The sexiest men are those that wear whatever they want and don’t care about fashion.” Seeing as I was done up in my most acceptable fashion-wear at the time, he may have been trying to wind me up, but a sense of humour isn’t most famous American fashion designers’ strong point.

However Marc’s proposition did prompt me to realise that the clothes I most like to wear are the ones I rarely ever wear out of the house – no, not the stilettos, more the kind of stuff that you put on when you’re really off your head. Such as…

‘Operation Agricola’ T-shirt
Commemorates 1999 Kosovo campaign. Given to me by ex-members of the SAS. “I can’t wear that, I’m not even in the army,” I said reverently upon presentation. “Don’t worry Steve,” was the reply, “with any luck you’ll bump into a load of paras on the train home and they’ll kick the living shit out of you.” As such never leaves the flat.

Ugg boots
Blagged off fashion director who got them as a freebie. Highly offensive. Was going to Ebay them but spilled a load of frizzing bacon fat on the right one. They were very comfortable, but post-rave wear has made the fur on the soles go the texture of the fleece on an incontinent ram’s arse. Saw a guy on the bus really pull these off last winter – he wore his expensive dark denims long over them and a CP Company coat. I, however, look like SuperTed in these.

Rick from The Young Ones beret
This is Rykiel Homme. Back when we were prepubescents and The Young Ones was on telly everyone loved Vivian, but watching the UK Gold repeats now it’s clear that Rick was the star. Experience has shown that it’s best not to burst into the room wearing it and declaring, “Hands up who likes me?”

Fur coat
Fake unfortunately. On the plus side it’s Duffer Of St George – therefore NOT GAY, ALRIGHT? – and can be passed off as oligarch chic.

Roberto Cavalli swimming trunks
Make me look like John McCririck half-naked in bed on Celebrity Wife Swap. Team well with the above. Even the Russians also holidaying in Sharm el-Sheikh were unsure about these.

So, do YOU have an item of clothing you’re really into but don’t dare wear in public? Perhaps a trusty hangover from the days when you had to buy cheap imitations of designer goods at Kensington Market, or something that really winds your girlfriend up on weekends while the two of you watch ‘compromise TV’ like repeats of The Wonder Years. Share them with us and don’t worry, this sort of thing is socially acceptable these days. Just ask Marc Jacobs.

Arena — 10/10/06 Category: Style

10 Comments »

I went through a period of wearing a big American straw hat with Disneyland written across the front of it. A girl gave it to me as a thank you for sleeping with her immensely wide-arsed friend and I figured it was a fair swop.
But I stopped wearing it when I was driving a people-carrier one day, arm out the window, mirrored glasses on my blotchy nose. The problem was, rather than looking like someone out of ‘Cool Hand Luke’, I looked a lot more like Sheriff Buford T Justice.

Comment by OBannion — 10/10/06
silver trousers, bought for a trip to Miss Moneypenny’s in around 1996 as a student.

So hideous I could never throw them away and have kept them ever since in case I need a fancy dress outfit, or want to pretend to be a robot.

Comment by benc — 10/10/06
My red and white hooped house rugby shirt from school. An attempt at “preppy cool” that resulted in looking like a “proper cock”; on venturing out of the house with this on I felt an inclination to adopt a double-barrelled surname and act like a tremendously loud wanker.

Comment by themexican — 10/10/06
Yeah I used to wear white snowbaording trousers, one handcuff and a black pinstriped waistcoat..it was 1996 I thought I looked like an intergalactic pimp…but I looked like a prat..although..

Comment by Chaka76 — 18/10/06
Olive-green army surplus shirt with little German flag on the upper sleeve and a big, hand painted, Guns & Roses logo on the back. Cost me a tenner in 1989. Probably would have sold for ten times that down Hoxton a few years ago. People laughed at me for wearing it. I stopped wearing it.

And on the same subject, I had a cracking old-skool Pepsi T-shirt that I wore in my early teens and girls used to laugh at it because it was ‘jivey’ and not a fashionable or a designer make. It got Oxfamed pretty quickly. But I was walking through a swank department store a few months back playing Millionaire Andy & Lou in my head (‘I want that one, I want that one…) and there’s a D&G collection including Pepsi T-shirts for over a hundred notes. Takin’ the piss!

Comment by Oscar Acosta — 19/10/06
combats anyone?

Comment by tom.hills — 23/10/06
I wear a metal mulisha t-shirt for those who dont know (www.metalmulisha.com) which I bought on a road trip to weston -super-mare, where I slept in a car parked in asda car park, watched my freind in tears as he dug his car deeper into the sand and swung my arm around shouting go on TRAVIS at the beach race even though it wasnt even him. this all make perfect sense right? im still wearing the t-shirt.

Comment by myspace./deadbeatind — 31/10/06
I still wear my tie-dye Concert T-shirts on my days off …. it seems to be a great way to start a conversation now a days. It’s great to see how beautiful girls approach me to comment on how great the show was etc …. Best of all .. I dont have to do Anything … word of advise: Buy the Concert shoW if the show is Worth it , Regardless if its over priced.

Comment by Mr.Kane — 9/11/06
I went through a phase of wearing black rimmed/yellow lensed glasses out clubbing back in my uni days. I remember one guy kicking off with me in Cafe de Paris just because he thought I looked like a twat. Little did he know that at about the same Jay-Z was wearing those exact glasses (minus the wembley market stamp) in his “I’ll be” video with Foxy Brown. I may still have the scar above my eye from his fist, but who was the twat after that video came out hey buddy boy? Who was at least one month behind fashion back then, hey?…hey? I hope you feel deeply embarrassed by your actions Mr Armani shirt, and didn’t marry the honey you were with. And have become fat. And poor.

Comment by Kaushal — 7/12/06
Steve: why dont you do a fashion shoot for the mag in all of the above? or better still, do an “Alternative” Arena 2007 calendar with 12 Arena staff in their own old school outfits? I’m sure Ms Arena would have that up on her bathroom wall like a flash.

Comment by Kaushal — 7/12/06